It’s that time of year when we start seeing posts on social media about leaving behind the current year and looking forward to the next one. I, like many others, have already shared a post on my Instagram page, reflecting on the things I’m proud to have personally achieved throughout this year.
But often, that’s all we talk about. We want people to see all the good bits. Yet, in reality, most of us have all sorts of things going on behind the scenes. Some of us choose to open up a little more, but most of what we see on socials is picture-perfect. Of course, there’s no obligation to share what we deal with behind closed doors, especially with strangers on the internet—it’s a personal choice.
I’ve had so many thoughts about what I’d like to write in captions on my Instagram posts towards the end of 2024—reflecting on the ups and downs from the year. But there’s just so much on my mind, and I struggle to condense my thoughts into fewer words so I thought, why not write about it here instead?!
I find comfort in writing things here. It feels like a little safe space for my thoughts, (of which there are many!). I like the idea that someone might read this and relate to some of it, or realise they’re not the only one who’s thought or felt a certain way. I’ve already connected with some wonderful people through this blog, and received some meaningful feedback. This support has truly warmed my heart.
2024 has probably been the most intense year of my life, in terms of physical changes and improving my mental health. As Kylie Jenner once said—and I can’t quite believe I’m quoting her—but, “It’s been the year of realising stuff!” If you know, you know! It might sound silly, but also makes perfect sense when you think about it.
In typical life fashion, this year has been full of ups and downs. Let’s start with the good bits! If you’ve read my previous blog posts or follow me on socials, you may already know this—but in November of the previous year (2023), I gave up alcohol and began a sobriety journey. At first, I thought I might learn to have the odd one or two without bingeing like I used to. But as it turns out, I gave it up completely and haven’t touched a drop since. I don’t miss it. Sobriety has given me the clearest mind I’ve ever had, the ability to enjoy solid nights of sleep, and the realisation that I can spend my time doing other things besides, well, getting drunk!
This eventually led me to realise the next thing I needed to tackle was my weight. So, in February this year, I embarked on my ongoing weight loss journey. So far, I’ve lost just over 5 stone, which feels incredible, and it’s gone forever!
My fitness journey is ongoing. It’s more of a lifestyle change than something with a definitive end goal. My daily habits have changed for the better, and I feel so much more capable in so many ways.
I can easily walk 20,000 steps a day when I’m on holiday. A long walk in the beautiful countryside where I live is now enjoyable instead of feeling like a massive chore. Back when I was at my heaviest, long walks and getting out in new places were something I would have loved to do often, but I missed out. Simply because I had no energy and it took effort that I couldn’t be bothered to put in.
I sleep well, wake up early, and feel good mentally, most days. My mood is far more balanced, and I stress so much less about the things I can’t control. I’ve gained back a confidence in myself that I haven’t felt for almost 10 years! For so long, I hated the way I looked and felt. Now, it’s such a lovely change to look in the mirror and feel like I look nice in an outfit, and just feel good about myself overall.
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of self-love. In fact, I think it’s essential. We’re often our own worst critics, and that can be incredibly damaging to our mental health. That’s why it’s so important to be kind to ourselves and work on turning the negatives into positives. Something thought-provoking I’ve learned this year is this: we wouldn’t let others speak to us the way we speak to ourselves—so why do we allow us to do it?
I spent what feels like most of the summer going on solo trips. My first one was in May, and from there, it just kept getting better. I had the best time travelling around parts of the UK, exploring the likes of the Lake District, Yorkshire, Dorset, Kent, the Peak District, the Cotswolds, and Wales.
Solo travelling has probably been the highlight of my year. As someone who, at the start of this year, couldn’t have a sit-down coffee or a day out without someone to go with, I’m so proud of my personal growth. You can read more about all of that in my previous posts if you want to, so I won’t go into much more detail here.
My relationship of nearly 12 years has taken a bit of a back seat this year. And that’s not a bad thing. In my opinion, relationships aren’t meant to be spent in each other’s pockets. I can whole heartedly say, that being in a relationship where we give each other the space needed to work on ourselves, as individuals, is truly amazing.
After all, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are when you’ve been together for so long, but you’re still you, if that makes sense. You still have your own life to live as an individual. Not everything has to be “together.” The right person will always understand that there are things you need to do in life that don’t necessarily involve them. And that’s okay.
This year, we’ve somehow become the strongest we’ve ever been together. In some ways, we’ve felt the furthest apart, but, also the closest. We’ve both found such happiness and contentment within ourselves, and that’s poured into our relationship, strengthening it more than ever.
My partner has been on his own health and fitness journey over the past couple of years, and this year, he started going to the gym. So balancing a full-time job, he’s often in bed early and up early, hitting the gym before work. I admire his dedication!
And for nearly 7 months of the year, I was in a job that saw me getting home around 10 p.m. most nights and leaving the house around 5:30 a.m.— so we were passing like ships in the night, as they say. Alongside these commitments, and my solo trips away for days at a time, it means we haven’t really seen much of each other this year. A week in Malta in September for my 30th birthday, a spontaneous getaway when we had a rare whole weekend off, and the odd day off here and there—those were about the only times we connected, and had some real quality time.
We are both very supportive of each other’s goals, and love seeing one another improve in our mental and physical health. If you think about it, we’ve both seen each other at our “worst” in terms of mental and physical health, over the years that we’ve been together. And when you truly love someone, you just want to see them shine and be happy. So, we’re always rooting for each other. It’s probably quite inspiring for us both individually as well, to watch each other grow.
Now, as I said, it hasn’t all been good this year. I’ll keep the following paragraphs fairly vague because I don’t want to dive too deeply into personal matters, but I also want to be open.
This year saw my parents getting a divorce after nearly 40 years of marriage. For them, it was the right time, and it made sense. But like most breakups, it brought inevitable complications and some really difficult moments at the beginning. It’s been sad in some ways, of course, but in the end, I just want both of my parents to find happiness—happiness in their lives and within themselves.
Some might view it as a scary thought—spending that many years of your life with the “wrong person.” I recently listened to an audiobook, an autobiography by someone in the public eye, who mentioned her parents getting a divorce and said exactly that: she couldn’t imagine wasting so many years of her life with the “wrong person”, as she felt her parents had done.
But, so much of life is about perspective, and this fascinates me. It can shift how you see something in an instant. Perhaps they were never the “wrong person,” just a part of that chapter of your life. Like any chapter, there comes a time when it may close, and a new one begins. And new beginnings can be beautiful—if you let them.
We should strive to view these experiences as pieces of the puzzle that make up our lives, rather than a waste of time. This way, we continue to live and embrace life going forward, rather than dwelling on regrets.
Off the back of something that happened this year, I no longer speak to someone who was once the closest person to me in my life. It’s not something I ever imagined would happen, and I still feel so disappointed about it to this day. But ultimately, while there are people who might say life is “too short” to cut someone off, whether for a little while or forever, I made the decision to protect my peace and my mental health. And it’s been necessary.
Although some days I feel completely at peace with that decision, there are, understandably, days when it eats away at me. I actually reached out recently after almost 7 months of no contact, but the stress that followed caused a few really dark days. So, I kept that person at arm’s length again and pushed them away. I’m not sure how to deal with it yet, it’s complicated.
It’s hard to know what’s right sometimes—damned if you do, damned if you don’t, right? I won’t delve much further into this here or elsewhere, but I do believe that sometimes, it’s important to be a little more open about certain things—within the limits of what you’re comfortable with. There may be someone out there who can relate, who might find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone in choices they make or how they feel, and that’s the reason I share these reflections on this blog.
We lost my wonderful Gramps this year. My Nan and Gramps weren’t part of my life for a long time, not until my mid–teens. But looking back, I feel I could have made more of an effort to spend time with them once they were in my life, and while they were both still here. At his funeral, those feelings prompted me to finally reach out and make arrangements to visit some family. We had been saying for years that we should spend time together and get to know each other properly, and so we set a date. I spent a lovely weekend with them a few weeks later, and I’m sure there will be more get-togethers to look forward to next year.
Jobs and careers have been a source of much confusion for me this year. I’m certain I’m not alone in feeling uncertain about this aspect of life. Over the past few years, I’ve held several roles, trying to figure out what I truly want to pursue. In February, I took on a role that I hoped would be my ‘forever’ job. I genuinely loved it. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out, which was incredibly disappointing and, perhaps, the saddest I’ve ever felt leaving a job. It was during my time at this role that I also started my solo traveling and went on a bit of a self-discovery journey throughout the year.
So, when I left this role, I returned to a job I know and love, one where my mental health has always been at its best, surrounded by people who treat their employees well. However, I made the decision to significantly reduce my hours.
I work in healthcare, so long hours are often the norm—60+ hours a week, which I’ve done on plenty of occasions over the years. However, I’ve experienced burnout from this before, leaving no real ‘life’ outside of work, often just recovering until the cycle started again. So, I now work no more than 3 days a week. I have less money, sure, but my work-life balance has never been better, and I couldn’t be happier. Learning to adjust to a lower income hasn’t been easy at first, I must admit, but with the free time I’ve gained, I’m not complaining.
When I weigh it up—more money and less time, or less money and more time—I know which one I’d rather have. (To those who say, “You want more money and more time”—yes, don’t we all? When I figure out how to achieve that lifestyle, I’ll gladly share it with you!)
I’m productive on my free days. My lifestyle change has played a huge part in this—my partner and friends would tell you I’m always up at the crack of dawn. I keep myself busy, working on things behind the scenes that I’ve wanted to pursue for a long time, but never had the time or mental space to focus on before. Now, I finally have the headspace to dive into these projects, and it feels incredibly rewarding.
One of the biggest benefits of this time is being able to enjoy the simple pleasures in life that truly bring me happiness. For example, I live not far from the beaches in Norfolk, home to colonies of seals. I have visited many times in recent weeks, sometimes before dawn, to catch sunrises and watch the seals and their pups on the beach during the winter months when they come ashore to give birth. It’s always a peaceful and beautiful couple of hours, a wonderful way to start my day and ground myself in nature.
Having this free time allows me to do things like this more regularly. With more days off, I’m more likely to have a clear day during the week with good weather to enjoy moments like these. I now have a dedicated day off every week with my partner. There are other benefits as well—like having the time to focus on my fitness. Being able to get out for long walks in the fresh air almost every day has become a regular part of my routine, and incredibly beneficial for my mental health.
Sometimes in life, we have to sacrifice something, like money, to benefit ourselves in other ways. I truly feel so much better for it. While I’m fortunate to have a job that allows me to pick up extra hours if needed—because, let’s be honest, birthdays and holidays do come with costs—this adjustment has been well worth it.
All in all, at the beginning of this post I may have said this has been the most intense year of my life, but I’m going to contradict myself now—because, really, it’s been a year like any other. Life will always bring ups and downs—after all, that’s just life.
Someone very close to me recently said something that really made me think. This person went through something unimaginable a few years ago. When asked by others how they ‘cope‘ or when people say, ‘I don’t know how you do it,’ their response has always been that they don’t see much choice. They can either ‘give up’ or ‘keep going’—and somehow, we must learn to adjust, whether life presents ups or downs.
Challenges will always inevitably be thrown our way, but what truly matters is how we choose to respond. We discover so much about ourselves the most when life ‘happens,’ I think.
And, I’m sure, much of what happened this year will carry into the next. I don’t say that negatively. I often see quotes and posts on social media about ‘leaving behind’ all the bad things as a year comes to an end, but in reality, everything that exists on December 31st, still exists on January 1st.
It’s more about what we’ve learned throughout the year. What lessons have we gained? How have we grown to better handle the challenges that we have stumbled across?
I’m ending this year with new perspectives on life, the strongest mindset I’ve ever had, and someone who has never been more certain of what I want. Happiness. It’s the ultimate goal. What is life truly worth if, in the end, we go to bed unhappy every night? I know what I deserve, and I’m not afraid to make changes around me to maintain my mental stability, and ensure I feel happy, every day. Some may call that selfish, but I see it as prioritizing myself—because if I don’t look after me, who will?
Here’s to 2025—a new year, a fresh start? Or simply the continuation of the journey we’re on? Life is like a book. The title remains the same from start to finish, with familiar characters and moments throughout. But on the 1st of January, a new chapter begins, and we won’t know what the pages hold until we keep reading. Who knows what lies ahead? What new characters might appear, or what challenges and joys are just around the corner? The only way to find out is to keep turning the pages of the story, and I, for one, am truly excited to see what lies ahead.
