Hey, I’m Rhoda! I’m a recently turned 30-year-old living in England. This year, I found myself on a journey I never expected- one that’s been all about stepping out on my own, exploring the world around me, and learning a lot about myself along the way. I’m excited to share some of that journey with you here- who knows, maybe it will inspire a little adventure of your own!
I have always been the kind of person to rely on others to make plans, and I imagine a lot of people are the same. We love the company of others, don’t we? Well, most of the time!
Around the beginning of 2024, I felt a newfound urge to do more with my life. It all started when I began my journey to sobriety in November of the previous year and embarked on a weight loss journey, eventually losing 5 stone. I’ve always loved the outdoors and being active; I’ve never been much of a homebody, as I get bored easily. However, during my 20s, excessive alcohol consumption and unhealthy weight gain meant I lost the ability – mentally and physically – to do the things I wanted without struggle. But more on that another day!
The weight loss, along with no alcohol, really helped me develop a more positive attitude towards life. I felt like I had a clearer mind, and realised there are no limitations to anything I want to do if I put my mind to it.
Usually, if I had an idea to do something, or go somewhere, I would mention it to my partner and wait until we had a day off work together. But this isn’t always realistic; our days off don’t always correlate. The same goes for my friends and family- I spend time with them when I can but like everyone else they have their own commitments and things to do, so this prompted me one day to wonder what it might be like to do things on my own.
As everybody does, I turned to the internet for advice and ideas. Because when you’ve never done it, how do you suddenly do things alone? How do you have fun without somebody else? How do you find the confidence, and not worry about what other people will think? I found videos on TikTok about going for a solo coffee or lunch date with a book, or going to the cinema. Even going on a holiday?! All things that I would only usually consider fun to do with someone else. I started to notice people around me- like some of my work colleagues, family, and people I follow on social media- were often doing things alone. Whether it was a day out somewhere or just taking a book to a coffee shop. One of my work colleagues was thinking of planning a solo trip to Mexico, and I thought she was mad at the time; I couldn’t imagine doing that! But at the same time, I admired her for it and found myself wishing I had the confidence to do something like that.
When something is at the forefront of your mind, you start to notice related things all around you. The more you think and hear about it, the easier it feels once you gain more knowledge in the subject over time. I started to realise how normal it is to do things alone, and how exciting the endless opportunities could be when you don’t have to wait for someone to do it with.
I got an idea off the internet to make a solo date jar for myself. I already had a glass jar with a lid, so I wrote down ideas of things I would like to do on pieces of paper, folded them in half and put them all in the jar. I planned to pick one out each time I had a free day & there was nobody to make plans with, or when I just fancied a day to myself. I promised myself I would stick to it and build up the confidence to do things on my own. The ideas were simple things, like going to the cinema, spending a day at a new beach or city to explore, enjoying a solo coffee date or lunch out, catching a train to somewhere new, and so on.
I started with something small: a day out on the train to Colchester. I live in Norfolk, so this wasn’t too far to go. I had never been to Colchester before (apart from the zoo!), so it was nice to visit somewhere different. I explored the old abbey ruins, the castle and its gardens, went to the tiny Natural History Museum, and did a bit of shopping. Nothing too exciting, but the weather was beautiful that day, and it was just nice to mooch around somewhere I hadn’t been before. After that, I had a few more days out, and it started to feel quite invigorating having the ability to spend time with myself and still have fun.
I did have some anxious moments at first, which is to be expected. For example, the first time I had a sit-down coffee was more nerve-wracking than it should have been! I was in Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk on a day out, and I decided to get coffee but to have it in the cafe. I had never done that on my own before, only when I was with someone else. Usually if I was on my own I would get takeaway. I sat down with my coffee, and straight away, the room seemed really loud and overwhelming with the chatter of all the people sitting there in their groups and couples. I felt like people were looking at me because I was alone. I felt really silly in that moment, and wished I had gotten my coffee to go! Once I had finished and left, I realised that actually, nobody even noticed me. It was just in my head and I felt proud of myself for overcoming a small fear and doing it anyway. It’s the small wins along the way that build up your confidence. This is why pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is so important if you want to move forward with something.
After a few weeks, I felt so much more at ease going to places on my own. I got a buzz out of it, to be honest; it’s great. You don’t have anyone to consider; you can go where you want for as long as you like and have your own little adventure! The biggest achievement for me came in May 2024 when I booked my first solo holiday in the UK. More details on that in my next post! I can’t wait to tell you about it.
You should note that in all of this, I didn’t isolate myself; it’s really not about that. I still spend time with the people I love. I just think it’s important to know that spending time on your own is okay, and I encourage you to try it. It’s a great way to gain self-confidence and to get to know who you really are.
This year, solo adventures have completely transformed my life, showing me strengths I didn’t even know I had. I wanted to share what I’ve learned and help inspire others who are ready to explore their own journey in this world. I know firsthand how overwhelming it can feel when you want to get out there by yourself but just don’t know how. So I created an eBook- a guide packed with helpful tips, personal insights, lists and even a mini planner, to make those first steps easier and less intimidating. Its my way of saying: you’ve got this, and you’re not alone!
You can find the eBook in my Etsy Shop- just follow the link in the menu at the top of the page or click here – https://bit.ly/3AfXFfA. And as a thank-you, if you sign up for notifications on new blog posts, you’ll receive a 10% off code for the eBook!
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my first blog post- thank you! I’d love to hear your thoughts and any questions you may have. Feel free to leave a comment in the box underneath this post, or you can message me directly by clicking the Contact Me! button in the menu at the top of the page. You can also find links to my social media accounts at both the top and bottom of the page.